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may the odds be ever in your favour. (Hunger Games)

almost over,

I just cant believe how fast time flies. Another three weeks insyaAllah, and my matric life is finally over. Seriously, it doesn’t feel like 10 months flew by. It still feel like yesterday I met these people and soon I’m going to leave them.

Matric life is hard. To be honest that’s what I feel. One giga hard. But then again, what guarantee you that your path to seek knowledge would be smooth and no challenges at all kan? But because of these people; my roommates, bilik depan, ntpians, classmates and each of random people i meet everyday, I feel love.Thank you to each of you for being so patience with me, teach me a lot of things, guide me to be a better person, and show me the light; the light to go home.

How I wish time ticking very slowly right now so that I can appreciate each of them more. I’m going to miss this so much. Ya Allah, thank you for giving me opportunities to experience this. Time and moment is infinite. I hope it stay in my heart forever.

I’m gonna miss everything.
I’m gonna miss you.

Changes,

I kept hearing people said that I’ve changed. Frankly speaking, I don’t know. I don’t know in which side actually I’ve changed. I guess maybe the way I dress up these days, maybe the way I speak these days, maybe. I don’t know.

But then, changing is an inevitable process. You can’t help but to make a few changes in your life. People says, environment mould you- and that’s what happened to me. Alhamdulillah I learnt a lot during these 7 months in KMM. I realize that I’ve been showered by His infinite blessing. I’m learning to accept my fitrah. I’m learning to accept myself.

And that’s it. People might not know you. And yes, people who know you the least usually judge you the most. This is what I loved, I tend to since forever. To judge me that I’m going down just because I show my true self is unfair tbh because it took blood and tears for me to be able to get up back after I fall so hard. It was a very tough process for me to learn about myself and be used with her and love her.

But thank you and thank you for your endless advices, I truly appreciate it because I’m human too, and I might go astray too. I’ve been very hard with myself these 5 years and I still don’t understand much about her. Thank you to point out the flawless and help me to shine my akhlak more.

Innama a’malu bin niat. O Allah, help me to always purify my intention. This is all for You, and for You only.

Londang,

2216, 160214.

but if i stop,

But if I stop being so afraid with myself, I’ll become too comfortable with myself. And it’s more difficult to open up with myself. I hate myself. That’s the truth. I hate the beast that living inside me. I hate everything’s that I fall in love with. I hate it so much that I can’t stop love ‘em.

It’s so hard to tell myself that this is not the best and I should stop loving these but myself- never hear. It’s ain’t the best. Because it’s all temporary and will be gone by time. Do you understand me? It will eventually destroy. It will eventually vanished by time. But it is so hard tell myself to let go of things and move on.

Oh God it hard so much it hurts. Two love that will never become one. And I’m trapped in the middle don’t know what to do anymore.

Oh Allah, have bless on me. Save me from myself.

konichiwwa:

Religion is between you and God and that is all

i want to break the wall that society has been built and surround me but im too afraid to face them. I want to feel free and be whole in front of God, and people.

konichiwwa:

I always always feel like people dont want to talk to me or annoyed by me and i see signs of annoyance in almost everything it is driving me insane and i also always ask people if theyre annoyed by me and i think that too is annoying and when they say no i always feel like theyre just trying to not make me feel bad which makes me feel like a bigger annoyance but idk man trust issues much i probably am annoying and this too is annoying.

i feel you, i do feel the same tbh

I feel sick I feel frustrated I feel scared with myself

"But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are."
by Ryan O’Connell (via -virtual)

I once tell to people that are cared about me, how lonely I can be, how insecure I can be, how sick I can feel,
they tried to understand. They tried to listen. They tried to calm me. They tried to be there when I was about to fall.

For that, thank you.

(Source: splitterherzen)